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Twisted, sad, and beautiful

It's obscene, it's dreamy, I have no clue what the message is (is there one?) It reminds me of the shaky chalkboard style animations that I saw as a kid in the eighties, and frankly while they weren't as gory as this, I found some of those far more disturbing.

Very Cool sprite action with a good sense of pace

Very nice, but you get a nine for not doing your proofreading, and using weak sentences.

Here are some corrections you could make. See your movie for the originals.

I was given a lead on Bison's location... (capitalization, apostrophe, one of the spots where you should have used an ellipsis (. . .)

But I didn't think it would be this hard. (apostrophe, it'll changed to it would
No one gets in or out of this district, understood? (no need for (. . .) just use a comma)
Who's there?! (apostrophe, triple punctuation not needed, use an exclamation point for emphasis)
Not me-someone else! I got other business. (use a dash for abrupt breaks in sentences, not (. . .). Also, not every sentence should use an exclamation point. Think of her yelling out, "Not me-someone else!" Then coldy saying, "I have other business. it's not a shout, it's a mocking tone.)
Enough! We end this now. (similar to last example.)

You could say that i am nitpicking, but these little bits of grammar really make your work look much better.

Now, as for the language, you should do your best to use "active voice", omit needless words, but be descriptive. Let me show you what I mean.

I was given a lead on Bison's location. . .

Ok, great, but passive, you were given a lead, you didn't get it. Sort of feels like you didn't work for it. And location is a pretty boring word.

Maybe: It started with a lead on Bison's (hideout, operation, headquarters)
or even just: It started with a lead on Bison. . . and turned into a fight for survival.

You're really looking for Bison any way, not his location. Pointing out that Chun Li is fighting for her life lends drama and actively contrasts with the first point. Instead of merely complaining, she is admitting the peril she faces.

Not me-someone else! I got other business.

This section has needless words. Of course if it's "Not me" it's someone else. Maybe use the other character's name or change the sentence to convey the same meaning like:

"Sorry, duty calls.
But if Claw Brat fails. . .

Do you get my point about making it more active, more intense, realistic?
Having her insult the first fighter shows contempt for both her and Chun Li-they are not worth her time.

Some of this comes down to proper grammar.
And some comes down to style.
Good grammar is good for everybody.
But styles are unique.
Just don't fall into the crutch of saying, "Well, that's my style, I don't care if you like it," if it could use improvement. I mean you have style out the wazoo with the sprites, and that's what people came for. But if you hit them with some slamming words too, you'll blow em away.

Ideally, you would not use cliche phrases at all, but if you do, give them some punch, and make your characters visceral and raw. I'm not saying everyone should be a wisecracking trashmouth, but it wouldn't be bad if someone was, and let's face it, people tend to curse when they get kicked in the ribs a bunch of times.

In conclusion, at this point only you really know what is going on, and we poor viewers need all the help we can get. Tell, YOUR story, not just-another-flash-action-flick. The Devil is in the stupid punctuation details. Want some help? I'd be happy to consult as an editor. Not taking over your glory, just want to help it shine.

Oh, by the way,

People find this review helpful!

Cool, but very niche

Very funny, but difficult to understand if you are not familiar with Berserk.

36, Male

Metuchen, NJ


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